What really happened in the throne room
by Doctor Susan Holmes
Summary: Sort of Prequel/Prologue to "Fate is a wicked thing" (you don't have to have read it, but I recommend to read it beforhand, but of course you can also read it afterwards ) Loki's thoughts during his confrontation with Odin at the beginning of Thor 2 and what followed afterwards. My take on what happened to Loki and why he did the things he did :D


Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel or any of the characters! (Just in case you thought so^^)

P.S. maybe you haven't noticed but the title is an allusion to "What really happened in Peru" by Cassandra Clare as part of the bane Chronicles - which I can highly recommend :D

P.P.S. the link to "Fate is a wicked thing: s/12864020/1/Fate-is-a-wicked-thing

Now enjoy!

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"Loki..." Frigga called him, raw emotion in her voice and her eyes full of pain. She was as beautiful and regal-looking as ever, but he noticed that her face had been marred by grief. Her eyes had lost some of their former gleam and he detected a new pallor to her features. She had lost some of her jovial nature... and it seemed he had been the course of it...

Unbidden a memory came back to him...

" _One day, my dear, you will grow to be a stunning and handsome man!", his mother told him, ruffling his raven-black hair as he stood before her. And when he cast her an embarrassed glare she added whit a laugh, "Trust me – mothers always know these things! I can imagine you being a formidable king, should the Norns decide to grand you that privilege! But no matter what, king or not, I trust that you will grow to be a great man and make me so proud, Loki!"_

 _She opened her arms to him and Loki rushed into her embrace, her support and love meaning the world to him. He would not disappoint her!_

"Hello mother... Have I made you proud?", he was taunting her – he knew that – but he had to make sure, had to know whether he still had her unconditional love and support that she'd always shown him, or if he'd irrevocably disappointed and lost her...

He didn't know what he would do if she chose to abandon and discard him like Odin and Thor had done... if he lost the only person whose unconditional love he'd always had... and needed...

"Loki... don't make this worse", she said, her voice cracking, tears visible in her eyes.

Loki let out the breath he's been holding: "Define worse..."

Their secret code. Whenever Loki had caused some kind of havoc, be it pranks or by being naughty or after provoking and fighting Thor, his mother would scold him and afterwards finish with these four words _"accept that you've done wrong, accept my reprimanding you and don't make it worse"_ , to which his stubborn, mischievous self would then answer _"define worse"_ – though just in jest, to have the last word, signalling her he understood and would comply.

So now he knew: His mother still held on to him. She had not grown to utterly despise and hate him. She still seemed to hold hope and love for him. That was enough for him to stand straighter and face what was coming for him...

"Enough! I wish to speak to the _prisoner_ alone!" Odin's voice boomed from the end of the hall and the top of the golden throne he was sitting on.

His mother made as if to grab for his arm – To reassure him? To show that she still cared about and loved him? To take him into her arms once more like she used to? – He would never know, because the guards where already forcing him to move forwards and Frigga stepped away and left the throne room. He still caught her rubbing away a tear that had left her eye unbidden.

He had never wanted to hurt or disappoint her. He had never wanted to be the reason that caused her grief...

The torture by Thanos and the Tesseract's whispers had driven her from his mind completely. He hadn't really considered what his actions would do to her while scheming and trying to take over earth...

And if she had occurred in his thoughts the Tesseract had been quick to soothe him, making him believe she had also abandoned him, because she thought him dead, and that eventually returning to her as king of Midgard would instantly make her forget her grief, because it would make her so happy and proud to see the fallen prince return as the stunning and _formidable_ king she had always known he would become...

All mere illusions. It seemed his whole existence was full of them... defined by them...

He made his way towards the throne, deliberately slowly, his chains rattling loudly in the huge hall.

He felt ridiculous rather than ashamed, chained head to toe like a rabid Bilgesnipe. Honestly, what did Odin think he would do? He had already cut off his magic with the handcuffs... And the Tesseract had also been taken away and far out of his reach immediately upon Thor's and his arrival hours ago...

Though its presence still lingered... Its whisper still there at the back of his mind...

"I really don't see what all the fuzz is about...", Loki finally addressed his alleged father, trying his best to seem at ease.

Truth was, he was not at ease. And he could actually feel the Tesseract _acutely_.

He had thought he had finally regained the ability to think for himself again, to say what he wanted to say, and not what _it_ decided he should say or made him believe was the right thing to say and do...

But its incessant whisper was still there. It was still muddling, contradicting and interrupting his thoughts. He had tried to shut it out, to quench it out of his system once and for all. It had cost every ounce of strength and determination he could muster to stay focused and not let it influence him these past hours since the Avengers had taken him down and Thor brought him back to Asgard to await his punishment...

And now he was exhausted... When it mattered most...

The Hulks beating had already severely bruised him... and drained his reserves... Then, seeing his mother... and finally realizing and acknowledging the full extent of everything that had happened over the past year and what he had caused, the contradicting memories that were slowly resurfacing and the flood of emotions that was rushing through him – rattled him even further and he knew he would not be able to keep a clear head and stay in control much longer…

 _Look at you... all chained up like a wild animal... You are still a prince! Born to be a king! This treatment is beneath you!_

Came the Tesseract's sneer, its whisper louder than before and not as easy to ignore.

 _Remember, you were born a prince! Born to be great! You are still burdened with glorious purpose! Made to rule! To be king! Show them! Show_ him _!_

 _The humans - they were beneath you... They were made to be ruled... You only fulfilled your kingly duty!_

 _And look at Odin! Even high up on his throne, he is still beneath you, as well... He is old and a fool... You are far greater than him!_

"Do you really not truly feel the gravity of your crimes?", Odin demanded to know in his biting voice, cutting through the Tesseract's whisper and regarding him with a look of disgust, "Wherever you go there is war, ruin and death..."

 _Wherever you go? He makes it sound like you tried to subjugate all of the nine realms, when you've only ever been to earth and quite content to rule it..._

 _And the "crimes"? ... They were nothing worse than Odin himself has committed aeons ago in Jotunheim..._

 _You know? He also went down to earth once! Revelling in the humans' worship of him... Maybe you just wanted to be like him! To show him you could be like him! To prove your worth, to prove your power! To make him regret tossing you into the abyss between worlds... Regret not making you king of Asgard when you had been perfect and made for it!_

Yes... that was right. He had only wanted them to see... Odin to see... and realize how foolish he had been to underestimate him... to toy with him... to only ever see him as a pawn and discard him once he'd outlived his usefulness... He wanted to show Odin that he would never again be a pawn in his schemes! That he could be as great as him... No, greater even! That Odin should have named him heir! That he was the perfect king of Asgard! And to achieve that he had had to subjugate Midgard... to show that he could be a king worthy of Asgard... How else could they have understood?

"I went down to Midgard to rule the people of earth as a benevolent god! Just like you...", Loki finally answered, the shrug and nonchalance clear to be heard in his voice.

Odin shook his head: "We are not gods... We're born, we live, we die – just as humans do..."

 _He is so full of himself. The hypocrisy of him... Comparing himself to humans even though he regards them as lesser people and sees himself as their "protector" which is only a fancy name for "ruler"..._

Loki scoffed calling on his hypocrisy: "Right... give or take 5,000 years..."

Odin remained unfazed and cut back to the chase: "And all this because Loki desires a throne..."

 _It is your birthright!_

"It is my birthright!", Loki harshly reminded him.

It was Odin, who, as he grew up, had liked to remind Thor and him almost daily: _"One of you is going to be king one day..."_. And he had always made it sound like there was an equal chance of either one of them becoming king. Had installed within him the belief that there was a true possibility of it being him, if he just proved worthy and kingly enough...

So he had studied and worked hard and tried his best. He had surpassed his history and politics lessons, proved to be more adapt than Thor at figuring out and establishing foreign relations and understanding the political workings at court and throughout Asgard. He even dedicated a decade of his life to travelling the different realms to learn about their cultures and governments and social structures.

Except Jotunheim... never Jotunheim... the _enemy_... now he knew why...

But of course theory and studies did only get him so far... He also had to learn the art of combat... Which, to his huge contempt and regret, was something Thor excelled at... Loki was simply not born for combat or fighting with swords and spears or axes...

Daggers were his weapon of choice if he had to fight. And of course they were seen as unmanly and dishonourable... But what was frowned upon even more was the use of _magic_ which he found to have a special knack for... shaping the world around him, creating illusions – it was child's play to him! And Frigga had been the first … and always the only one … to realize his affinity and encourage and teach it to him, before he had finally perfected his skills with the help of the High Elves on Alfheim.

But Odin had not shown himself to be as pleased with it. Neither had _Thor's_ friends – never his – nor the whole court of Asgard...

Having shown them only one trick, he had been immensely proud of at the time, to get Odin's praise and acknowledgement, had earned him the reputation of _trickster_... and soon people added to that, distorted the whole thing and before long he'd ended up with the nickname "Silver-tongue" – though he'd never lied before in his life (not counting the one or other white lie when he or Thor had crashed the one or other of Frigga's vases or sculptures...)

Well, and when you spent a thousand years amongst the whispers and glances of the court screaming TRICKSTER and SILVER-TONGUE at you from around every corner, you couldn't help but one day live up to the _expectations_ and believe it yourself...

And when the day approached for Odin to name his heir, and he chose Thor – his witless, dumb and blundering oaf of a brother – to one day become the king he had tried so hard to be... his world shattered. He was heart-broken, disappointed and simply could not grasp what had made Odin choose Thor over him... And he blamed his magic for it... his strange affinity for it … his _otherness_... the reputation it had crafted him at court that had seemingly made him unfit to be king in the eyes of Odin...

That was when the first grains of doubt had started nagging at him. Making him distrust Odin and building up a slow, simmering hate towards both him... and Thor... And it festered, further strengthening his resolve to show them that he was worthy, that he was the better king – and a great king.

That _he could do it_...

"Your birthright – was to die!", Odin yelled, his words slicing at Loki's heart. "As a child... cast out onto a frozen rock... Had I not taken you in... had I not saved you... you would not be here now to hate me...", Odin continued a bit calmer than before, but still spitting the words at him like venom.

Loki couldn't believe it... When had this man he had once considered his father, the man he had looked up to and worshipped for a thousand years, turned this cold and unforgiving towards him? How could all the love and fatherly gestures he had bestowed upon Loki throughout his childhood bleed away in a heartbeat and be replaced with such hate and indifference?

Frigga – despite her disappointment and sadness – had still held warmth and love in her eyes.

Even Thor who had the most reason to hate him and see him dead had not abandoned him, had not plunged a knife through his gut. No, he had fought hard to make Loki see reason again and he also made sure that he returned to Asgard with him and was not left to the jurisdiction of earth.

But Odin? He acted as if the past millennium hadn't happened. As if he'd never taken him in as a son nor acted as a father towards him.

 _Well, maybe he has never loved you... Did you honestly forget? He told you why he took you in! You were supposed to be his pawn, to form that so called peace alliance between Asgard and Jotunheim – which really was just his way of subjugating Jotunheim … And once he realized his plan wouldn't work out, you outlived your usefulness to him... That's why you won't find mercy with him... He is going to kill you..._

Loki gritted his teeth and internally screamed at the Tesseract to leave him be. But more than that he cursed his own weakness and stupidity. As if he would walk out of her alive... Part of him had certainly expected it, but he had also harboured the irrational hope that Odin would give him a fair trial, at least hear him out, but he had not even once asked Loki why he had done the things he'd done. What had happened after he tossed him into... no – he fell into the void. Odin had just thrown around his own assumptions playing right into his insecurities and the Tesseract's hand, preventing him from properly defending and explaining himself.

"If I'm for the axe then for mercy's sake just swing it!", Loki implored to him. He was growing tired of all of this. Of existing only to be used first by Odin, then by _him_ and then the Tesseract... He didn't want to find out who would come next... "It's not that I don't love our little talks... it's just... I don't love them."

"Frigga is the only reason you are still alive and you will never see her again! – You will spend the rest of your days in the dungeons!"

 _Do you still think he harbours any warm feelings towards you? He is cruel and vindictive... And his favouritism knows no end... Remember after Jotunheim?_

He remembered returning from Jotunheim after Thor had nearly instigated a war, had killed at least as many Jotuns as he had killed humans, and had almost cost them all their lives in the process, too, if Loki hadn't made sure that Odin was informed...

Thor's punishment had _only_ been banishment to earth. But he had not been dragged through all of Asgard muzzled and in chains, promised to be executed, then dragged before Odin to be reminded that he was only here now because Odin had been merciful that one day in Jotunheim, because he had been in need of a new project, and then went on making it clear he did no longer care for Loki and it was only at his mothers express wish that he was not going to be executed but sentenced to lifelong imprisonment and forbidden to see his mother ever again...

He could live with the imprisonment – he did deserve it – but for the rest of his life? 4,000 years? And then still take away the only light his life still held? That was undeserved...

And the realization made him stumble. He didn't doubt the Tesseract or fought to deny it's words this time.

"And what of Thor? You'll make that witless oaf king while I rot in chains..."

"Thor must strive to undo the damage you have caused. He will unite the nine realms once again and then, yes, he will be king," Odin proclaimed, leaving no room for debate and then he sighed, "I think we are done here. Guards! Lead him to his cell."

Loki flashed him an angry look: "What? Just like that? You can't even be bothered to hear me out? I don't expect a trial – not from you – but I am shocked that you aren't at least a little curious what happened..."

Odin scoffed: "What is there to explain? Nothing you say will change my verdict. You are a power-hungry Jotun that I foolishly believed to be able to raise an Asgardian, who caused a lot of Midgardian deaths with an ancient relic you found down on earth which I clearly should have brought back to Asgard a long time ago... What more is there possibly to say? Guards, if you please!"

Loki was simmering with rage and hatred. This right now had been a low blow even by his standards... And it was at this moment that he lost all hope of redemption, of being given the chance to make up for what he'd done, to explain why he had done it, to warn them of _him_ and the threat _he_ posed, to confide in them. He decided to screw them. Screw Odin big time for this injustice.

If he was to rot away alone in the dungeons of Asgard they would rot in Hel with him...

So he didn't protest, didn't fight when the guards dragged him away into the dungeons below and threw him not to kindly into his cell. Apparently, he was to have one for his own. That small comfort only lifted his spirits for about a second though, because then they just left him there, collar and cuffs still on him. And they didn't return for several days.

On the fifth day of his imprisonment he finally got a visitor and he thought he was hallucinating. Of course going without food or drink for a period of time wasn't as catastrophic for beings like Loki as it was to those weak humans, but it was unpleasant nonetheless and he hadn't eaten nor drunk anything far longer than the five days he had been in here, which no one had bothered to inquire about... so that now he was already half-delirious.

"Eir! What a pleasure!", he rasped, he was surprised that his voice still worked.

But Norns he must look horrible... and he didn't want to think about his smell, having had no bath as well... and without his magic he couldn't just change his appearance nor help with any of the inconvenient circumstances...

Still... he had been worse. Much worse. This was nothing...

"I am here to check in on you, your wounds your state of health. The Queen-mother was concerned..." Eir informed him, her tone neutral, no hint at what she thought about him, his imprisonment, the events that got him here...

Loki nodded: "Well, as much as I'd like to see her instead of you here – my apologies – I'd much rather it be you to see me... like this..."

"You know the Queen-mother can't visit you down here. Odin has forbidden it... That I am here to heal you now is owed to luck and the stubborn demeanour of her highness who has argued with the All-father for the past five days..."

"He really didn't want me healed nor fed?" Loki managed to get her hint.

Eir stared at him for several seconds, probably thinking how best to say what she wanted to tell him without jeopardizing her position and life: "The All-father wanted you to truly feel and repent for the crimes you committed by healing the blows and injuries you received slowly so that you would realize what you inflicted on the countless humans you attacked … and killed.

He also prohibited food from being brought to you to further this intent. As no sustenance would also impede a quick healing..."

Loki scoffed and the act of doing that made him light-headed. Even more so then he already was.

Eir frowned down at him and then laid a hand on his forehead: "You are burning-up! How... you haven't eaten or drunk anything for way longer than the five days, haven't you?"

Loki, who had shut his eyes, partially lifted his eyelids before dropping them again. He felt too weak to properly explain himself to her. How he had let his magic and the Tessersact sustain him, how the last meal he had eaten had been that treacherous day a year ago before Thor's return... And even that meal had been sparse...

By all means he didn't even know how he was still alive. Even for a god going without food for over a year should have been impossible...

"Alright. Water... some water will help!" he thought he heard a hint of panic in her voice, but that could have been his imagination.

As if someone was truly afraid for him after what he'd done...

No they just couldn't let him die in peace because what a punishment would that have been! Five days! And he'd passed away of starvation and dehydration. How ridiculous. That didn't make for a good story... So, by all means they had to keep him alive.

He felt something cold and wet at his lips, then trickling down his chin.

"By the Norns! Prince Loki please drink!" the title more than anything brought him back to his senses and he began to swallow the water – more out of instinct than actual want.

"Good... alright", Eir breathed out in relief, "Go slowly. I think that's enough. Can't have you throw it up again..."

The water was gone and then suddenly the collar came off and warmth tingled all around his neck were it had lain before. Healing magic.

"Alright. The collar did rub on your skin a bit but it's nothing big – it's all healed up now!" Eir informed him and then went on, "I have to remove your cuffs now and afterwards your shirt to get a look at your chest. Thor informed me that a creature down on Midgard whacked you around quite a bit... I just want to make sure that it's nothing critical."

Loki nodded: "Do what you have to... in this state I will hardly attack you if that's what you're afraid of..."

She scoffed then chuckled: "Now, why would you attack me... I've healed all your bruises since you were little, I practically raised you, too. So I learned when to expect a vicious attack from a stubborn princeling whose pride was bruised and I definitely know that you don't attack your elders, nor those you hold dear. Whatever happened down on earth... there must have been a reason..."

Loki looked at her then. And she looked back, unblinking. She was seeing him. She was giving him the benefit of the doubt. He must be truly dreaming or hallucinating or both.

"Thank you... Eir."

"Also, there are about a dozen guards outside this cell and in the nearer vicinity, should you decide to try something", she added sternly but with a twinkle in her eyes – _Seriously? A dozen guards? They were no match for him_... a prideful part of him thought – it wasn't hard to guess where the voice stemmed from – and he quickly buried it deep, because rationally, in his current state, that thought was other hubris anyway because of course they would easily take him out... And besides: He really was not planning on attacking Eir or any of them...

"Just hold still!" she ordered him and then the handcuffs came off, Eir sighed, "These scratches are a bit worse... the shackles were just a bit too loose and chaffed your skin... Don't worry, it's nothing I can't take care of."

Loki smiled: "I know you are a competent healer Eir, I trust you..."

The healing warmth returned now circling his wrists and now it was Loki's turn to sigh – but in contentment. He hadn't noticed how much his wrists had hurt... Eir forced him to drink some more water afterwards to get ready for the "big" healing part – namely his broken ribs.

His coat came off a bit stiffly – all his muscles were aching and the bruises along his ribs and torso hurt because of his stretching. His tunic took if possible more effort to get off. He realized why a second too late. Eir gave it one powerful tug and ripped it off him. Ripped – because it had stuck to the wounds on his back and the dried blood that had crusted over it.

He couldn't help the groan that escaped him as agony shot through him, setting his back on fire.

Eir gasped. Through his tear-stained vision he saw her look at the bloody shirt and then step around him to confirm her suspicions: "By the Norns. What happened to you? Who did this to you?"

"Eir...", he took a few laboured breaths, "Please... just heal it and be done with it... don't... don't tell anyone – especially Frigga!"

"Why my prince? This... Whoever did this... deserves punishment! If this is the reason... if it has anything to do with what happened down on Midgard... with where you've been the past year... They need to know!" Eir implored him.

Loki shook his head: "They wouldn't understand... They... won't listen" - Frigga would... Odin wouldn't – "Just leave it..."

Eir wanted to protest, but mercifully didn't instead she quickly began cleaning the wounds, trying her best to be gentle and then started healing them. She worked in silence for five minutes before she whispered: "Will you at least tell me?"

He looked up into her eyes that were glazed over with unshed tears and his heart broke. Eir... She was such a bright, beautiful soul... much like Frigga... like a mother... no, he couldn't burden her with the truth, much like he wouldn't burden Frigga with the painful knowledge...

"Trust me, you're better off not knowing..." Loki denied her request and broke their eye contact.

"If you think that I wouldn't be able to stomach it, that I would be repulsed by it or would judge you or if you think that I only pretend to care then you are utterly wrong, my prince! And I don't just speak for myself but for Frigga as well... and Odin", Eir insisted, "You can tell me – us – the truth! I believe it is crucial information and could alleviate your sentence! You don't have to shut us out!"

But Loki ignored her and avoided facing her, choosing to play the condescending, spoiled prince: "If you could please get on with your work and desist from bothering me with your sentimentality I would be highly greatful, _Eir_ " – he sneered her name.

She harrumphed and set to heal the deep slashes on his back and abdomen in silence. When she was almost done she started talking to him in a low voice: "I don't know why you won't open up and choose to stay in prison even though your innocent and the sentencing is most unjust... but let me at least offer you this: I don't like the thought of you being isolated down here, so I am going to be your eyes and ears in the palace and on everything that's going on..."

"An empathy link" Loki frowned up at her, "Why would you offer that?"

"How many more times do I have to tell you that I am on your side in this? You surely can be quite stubborn in your convictions and perceptions... Just accept my gracious offer, I have a feeling you will need it..."

Loki warred with himself for several seconds before he gave Eir a curt nod – and that was that. Unbeknownst to the guards standing watch outside, Eir performed the rather sacred ritual before she had to leave him again. She promised to be back to check on the wounds in the next two days.

Now all Loki could do was lie in his meagre cell and wait. Wait for the next three to four thousand years to pass until death would finally claim him... By the Norns, he was tired...


End file.
